it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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