Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me