Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
i now understand why vodka
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?