i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
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