I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
