I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
