took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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