Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
