Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
she peed on how many people?
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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