mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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