dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
