I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Randomize
