Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
