She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
