I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OPIZZABONMYDICK
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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