What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
