and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
