why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.