I wannas sexs uuuuu
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
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Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
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Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*