I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person