ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.