your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.