I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
When did angry sex become our thing?
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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