I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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