Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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