Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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