i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
