Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
