If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
