i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
