apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
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