It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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