Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
