Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
