This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
