I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
