Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize