Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
the liver wants what the liver wants
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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