I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Randomize
