Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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