found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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