Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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