So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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