That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
