Christians are straight up FREAKS
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
