Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
