I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
