a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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