Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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