i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
