i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
