I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
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