WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
