maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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