so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
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