But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
