So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Randomize
