never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
