You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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