I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
no, he came in my armpit
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
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