Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Michael Bay diarrhea
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
