I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
