period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
