I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize