i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
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As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
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You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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