I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
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